Oberservations

I don’t know about you but I love people watching, there is just something about watching how a person expresses themselves the mannerisms etc. I think it this stems from the fact that I loved communications at college and we did a whole term on body language.

Anyway back to my musings, I noticed whilst people watching how people are afraid to express their feelings. Like the good old question
“How are you?” , why do we always say we are ok, fine.
Why not say it how it is, well its like this I had a rubbish night sleep, my baby is crying continuously, I have a 101 places to be and I’m exhausted. Your crying inside I need someone to talk to, but British stiff upper lip, no we are not allowed to show our emotions. No I’m fine

Then there is the over-confident person who has done this that and the other, but in reality most probably hasn’t. Why do people feel the need to big themselves up, what does it achieve. Yes I am a stay at home mum, I look after 4 children. In a previous life before children I was a care assistant/nursing assistant and was asked by my boss to train as an occupational therapist. I have umpteen qualifications but decided 10 years ago I wanted to be a full-time mum. What does that matter, it doesn’t change what person you are underneath does it .?

Then you have the quiet timid type, I call them the YES people. I can guarantee what ever someone asks to do, them to do they will say “YES”. Even it means that they have to go out of their way to do it. I used to be like that I wanted to please everyone, but do you know you can’t please everyone, you have to let down/upset people once in a while.

Then there is the callous I don’t care if I hurt you type. I can be as down right rude, obnoxious to you as I want. Well, actually you can’t because you know why I am a human being, I have feelings. Even if I don’t show it you are hurting me inside, you don’t see when I cry because you don’t like me. I couldn’t be like you

I’m sure a lot of you can relate to what I am saying. Now imagine if you were a child who has problems with social encounters how would they perceive people do they see them for what they really are or do they see the person they pretend to be. Is worth thinking about, it all down to observations

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4 responses to “Oberservations

  1. I have always found K to be very literal,and to take people for what they say they are.He cannot see through the outer shell to the inner person.This was the reason why the bullies he was tortured by for almost 2 years were able to get so deeply under his skin and inflict such damage.They could taunt him terribly one day,and then the next say “you’re my friend”.He of course believed this….they said they are my friend so they must be,only for them to laugh in his face…and chisel away further at his self esteem.
    Likewise at home,one the few times he has asked how I am ,andI have replied fine,despite being very unfine,he has accepted this without question.If you say you are fine,you must be fine.
    And K cannot work out the mysteries of facial expression and non verbal communication.The only way he would know with any certainty how someone was feeling,was if they were wearing a t shirt with “Im feeling anxious right now” emblazened on it.

    • Thanks for your comment Sam

      I’m sorry to hear that people are so cruel and they tormented K like that, thats awful xxxx

      I was bullied like that for years but was too nieve to see what they were doing

  2. I couldn’t agree more with what you have written. Excellent blog as usual. Funnily I am working on a blog instalment a little similar, talking about the changes we make outside of what we would like to do or be. Our public face! I am a firm believer in telling it like it is. If u are struggling then say it! Don’t ever wait until crisis point. I think it takes a stronger person to admit that sometimes they need a little help. This is certainly something I advocate to my clients and something I carry on in my personal life. I’m not saying we should constantly whinge but ask for help if needed! We definately take the stiff upper lip too far!

  3. Hi Wendy,
    I had a habit of walking into the doctors office and answering, “fine” when posed with the “how are you?” question.
    I have to try and sit on that automatic reaction to this day.
    I have a policy, to my friends I show my true, absolute self. Warts and all. It took the confidence of age and experience to actually bring this policy into being, but the result has been amazing. I have noticed people feeling more comfortable with me because they then themselves can be honest.

    The thing I sometimes really don’t like about myself is my politeness. Sometimes, although I have confidence I say “yes” because I don’t want to be rude, then I’m most annoyed with myself afterwards.

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